For anyone who is interested, here are the 21 different types of abuse, and their definitions:
1. Physical abuse-Any touch not given in love, respect or dignity...beating, biting, choking, grabbing, hitting, kicking, pinching, pulling hair, punching, pushing, restraining, scratching, shaking, shoving, slapping, excessive tickling, twisting arms, using weapons, spanking, smothering, holding head under water, tripping, commanding the dog to attack the partner.
2. Male Privilege-Treats partner like a servant; makes all the "big decisions" acts like "Master of the Castle."
3. Knowledge Abuse-Receives a limited amount of counseling and uses it against partner; uses knowledge of partners past against them (may even turn partner's own parents or family members against them, using information from the past.) Reads and listens to self-help books and tapes then uses the information to blame the partner for problems in the relationship; uses medical professional's comments or advice to blame partner for problems in the relationship; uses their higher level of education or intellect to abuse the partner (emotionally and/or verbally.)
4. Sexual Abuse-Demands bizarre or unwanted sexual acts; physically attacks sexual parts of partner's body; threatens to find another partner; forces sex/rape or marital rape; extremely jealous; looks at pornography; treats partner as a sex object; interrupts sleep for sex.
5. Humiliation-Criticizes; discounts partner's child care, housekeeping, cooking, or self-worth; forces partner to dress to please him; physically grabs partner in public; forces partner to eat things that she doesn't want; puts partner down, then demands sexual intimacy, uses hostile humor, publicly humiliates partner, moves frequently, requires partner to stay i the home.
6. Responsibility Abuse-Makes partner responsible for everything in life (i.e., bills, children, etc.) makes partner responsible for their life, makes others responsible for things they did wrong.
7. Medical Abuse-Meets someone with pre-existing medical issues then prevents them from getting their medical needs met; creates damage or injury that causes partner to have medical needs, then prevents them from getting those needs met; puts down, gets angry at, and denies the pain of the person with medical needs; has medical knowledge and uses it to hurt or kill someone through medicine or medical procedures; makes fun of partner for medical needs; puts down in public for medical needs; weight problem, or to not being able to respond properly because of medication; has affair because of partners medical neds.
8. Religious Abuse-Uses scripture and words like"submission" and "obey" to abuse; uses spiritual language; misuses position of power, leadership, or influence to further the selfish interest of someone other than the individual who needs help; uses spiritual intimidation, manipulation, or excessive disipline by abusing religious system and being legalistic, mind-controlling, religiously addictive, and authoritarian; manipulats through guilt, shame, and fear; misuses position of power; makes others live up to a "spiritual standard."
9. Using Children-Makes partner feel guilty; uses children to give messages; uses visitation rights as a way to harass; uses child suppoet as a leverage; children may experience physical abuse bygetting in the middle of an argument; children may be used to hold the relationship together; emotionally abuse both partner and children; children are often threatened, or partner is threatened and children are stuck in a tug of war; intinidates through looks, actions, gestures, tone of voice and cursing, causing fear in their partner and children; teenage children may be used to take responsibility for abusers finances, responsibilites, obligations, and feelings.
10. Isolation-Controls what is done, who is seen, who is talked to, or where to go; limits or listens to phone conversations; requires partner to use a pager; keeps partner away from their family; needs to know where partner is at all times; requires partner to be available at all times; leaves no means of transportation; does not allow partner to open mail; moves frquently; requires their partner to stay in the home.
11. Power-Denies basic rights; deprives of personal time;mandates duties; uses legal means to force power; controlling everything (the amount or temperature of bath water, what can be eaten, what clothes can be worn, length or style of hair.)
12. Stalking-Spies; follows to activities (store, church or work); exhibits extreme distrust and jealousy; makes persistent phone calls; writes messages (left on windshield, in mailbox, cards, letters); faxes; e-mails; writes graffiti; sends unwanted gifts; comes home at unexpected times; makes partner carry a pager; uses answering machine ndto monitor phone calls; installs surveillance systems and bugs phones.
13. Emotional Abuse-Any communication, admonition, reprimand, or reproof that does not uplift, edify, or bring conflict resolution...Puts down; name-calling; exhibits extremely controlling behavior; plays mind games; mentally coerces, affection is conditional;loss of identity.
14. Threats-Threatens to end the relationship; threatens to do harm emotionally or physically; threatens life (to kill a partner, friend, self, or children); threatens to take children; threatens to commit suicide; threatens to report to authorities after forcing partner to break the law (i.e., use of drugs, selling drugs, bounced checks, forged checks, use of someone elses credit card, stealing, defrauding welfare, social security, insurance, income tax, Medicare, SSI, disability); threatens to not financially support partner; threatens sexual assult.
15. Economic Abuse-Restricts employment; makes partner ask for money; gives an allowance; takes partner's earned money; makes partner account for every penny; interferes with partner's work (i.e., takes the car keys and hides them or refuses to let the abused use the car); does not pay the billls; hides or withholds financial resources; refuses to work and support the family.
16. Financial Abuse-Ruins partner's credit; puts cars, houses, recreational equipment, or property in his name only; spends partner's money; credit or savings to make them dependent; ruins children's credit; gets credit card in children's; uses partner's money and/or credit with or without their knowledge; spends partner's money instead of their own money on outings such as dinner, movies,sporting events, shopping, or personl use; spends the partner's savings to make them dependent on him.
17. Intimidation-Puts partner in fear by using things like looks, actions, gestures, loud voice, cursing or continual arguing; makes partner say what he wants them to say; forces partner to listen to him; forces partner to report to him.
18. Jealousy-Uses jealousy as a sign of love; controls what partner does, who they see, or who they talk to; controls when and where partner goes; refuses to let partner to join any activities outside of the home; drops in "just to watch"; isolates partner from friends and family; is possessive of partner in every area of their life.
19. Property Violence-Punches wallls; smashes things; destroys property; breaks down doors; pounds tables; abuses pets (kicks, throws, gets rid of, or kills.)
20. Verbal Abuse-Curses; accuses; name calls; uses past to control; manipulates; commits mental blackmail, makes unreasonable demands.
21. Silence-Uses silence as a weapon; cannot or will not communicate; lacks mechanisms to express emotions.
I truly hope this helps someone out there. It is sometimes difficult to define what abuse is when it is not blatant. And for those of us that were raised not knowing anything else but abuse, this may help you to start being more aware. I know for me, just having the knowledge is half the battle, because when i recognize it, i can begin to change it.